Hardville v Tune Squad - I am a championship winning QB. I am awesome and very humble. My old team decided to let me go so I started the Tune Squad. Tune Squad is an awesome team. We're going to exert our awesomeness against Hardville as we look to beat the brakes off of them.
Abusement Park v Hardville - Abusement park got their first win of the season in WEEK 4 and thought to let me know I was wrong! Are you my wife? Hardville will be limping into this game because Tune Squad will have given them the business right before, but you know what? Hardville is still going to beat Abusement Park because that is what they DO!
You Gon Learn Today v Falcons - YGLT is better than I thought. I mean I really didn't think much so it wasn't that hard, but at least their competitive. Falcons literally beat the shit out of the Spartans like as if they were trying to steal Justin's Benz (Yo I need to talk to you about a job). I probably should say the Falcons will win so my job prospects look better, but I can't lie to myself so I won't. I hope you still consider me for employment.
Irish v Nukes - the Irish spotted the Chargers a 21 point lead. They then took a 6 point lead, but ultimately loss a thrilling game. Nuke beat and shutout a new team with some of their former teammates on it. Now that that is over they will have to play a team littered with championship players. Chris is my wife's cousin. He makes me feel like I am betraying the family every time I pick against him. Call me Fredo because I think the Irish is going to win.
Chargers v Miami - to know what the chargers did see above. Ryan Williams wasn't happy with my prediction last week so he wanted to tell me to hop on his hammer. #Pause. My main man Jelin is back so the Chargers will look more like we're used to seeing them, but still not the same. Miami didn't disappoint as they were one half of the douchfest that took place against the commission. It is too bad because they are really good. Not good enough to beat the Chargers this week, but still really good.
Money Team v Overachievers - these two teams combined to score 102 points while giving up not a goddamn thing. The O's have used 3 QB's in 4 games this season thus proving that I really ain't shit! When I was the QB we never lost to MT. I am not the QB, but they keep winning without me and that won't change this week. #OAallDAY
Sharks v Old Dogs - the fins spotted the O's a 34 point halftime lead in a game that was never close. Old Dogs never got close to playing. Fuck it a win is a win is a win. I say that because they ain't winning this week.
Warriors v Ur moms fav D - the Warriors have not won a game in Mercer this year. You know who has? 28 other teams? They managed to lose to a Longhorns team playing without the services of Omar Walker. Ur moms fav D beat up on the neophyte Laces Out last week. Warriors will get their first win of 2017 this week.
Pythons v Wildcats - Wildcats looked like a new team against the playmakers. It was bad. Really bad. Mike Gluck said, "Yesterday was the first time out there that I was happy to be retired. I was sore just watching." The wildcats will pick up the pieces against a pythons team that seemingly hasn't played since Kizzo had dark hair.
Team USA v Commission - USA was off last week. The Commission used as much energy fighting as they did playing football. Not sure who will get suspended, but I don't think it will matter as the commission will smother Team USA with their athleticism if not their right cross!
Eagles v Longhorns - the birds started their nascent MCFFL careers with three straight wins, but were finally brought back down to earth against the Nukes. Longhorns held onto a W after hold off the Warrior on a two point conversion in OT. I don't know who plays QB for either team so I will take the team with the better defense. Fly Eagles FLY.
Laces Out v Silverbacks - at the team meeting Laces Out talked about their heartbreaking loss at the hands of the Silverbacks last Fall. They also said they wanted another crack at Larry and the guys. They get this week as Medici and company earned their first win with a forfeit. They look to earn another one this week, but I don't think history will repeat itself.
Dynasty v Abusement Park - remember when Matt Arroyo called me out for getting the predictions for his team wrong? Me too! After scoring a ton of points in their first few games Dynasty was held in check by Hardville. Abusement Park? They manage to beat the Goats for their first win of the season. Was a real thriller. I mean I didn't see it, but when I imagine that game I think, "Why am I imagining Abusement Park flag football?" Dynasty gets back on track this week.
Oilers v Bulldogs - I love the Oilers. I really do. Not TJ and Moose because they had inquired about playing with me only to leave me holding my Johnson. So this 0-4 record is KARMA! It isn't really, but I am going with that so I sleep better. Hopefully the Bulldogs show up to the field so they can give the Oiler their first win of the season.
Goats v Dillon Panthers - the G-men lost a close game to Abusement Park. Judging by how AJ was gushing over the Dillon Panthers you would have thought that their game against Money Team was close too. Motherfuckers gave up 62. You can't mistake 62 points! This game will be closer, but the result will be the same. I cannot believe I am picking the Goats for two weeks in a row!