Half the field is set. We have fourteen teams with chances for 8 spots. Shit just got real...
1) GW Tire Services^ - Did what they were supposed to with a top team missing their quarterback. They are not flashy, but man are they methodical. With the tiebreakers over the Lions and Elite they are guaranteed the top spot in their conference. Could this be their season?
2)Lions^ - That defense is STOOPID good. OH-See and the boys did just enough to overcome a very good Miami. The game did not disappoint as it was closely contested with lots of plays by all sides. The offense does enough for the defense to win them games. You know what they say about defense?
3) Elite^ - rough outing for this team as they held on to beat the Ducks. Hard to watch the Chargers play when no one is blitzing Charlie. Welp they have a double header this week to determine whether they get the 2nd seed or 3rd seed. Either way they'll be dropping their seeds all over the place in the playoffs.
4) Saints^ - report from the sidelines indicated that Brandon was whisked away by eight of his homies to celebrate the third decade of his brilliance here on Earth. During the frivolity Mr. Feinstein consumed enough alcohol that had him vomiting blood and rendered him immobile due to his inability to move more than 5 feet without defecating. It was literally a shit show! They managed to beat the Knights in the second half of their double header so they stand to win the top seed in the NFC.
5) Those Guys - new rule. You cannot talk shit to the blogger if you do not show up for the game that your team won without you over his team especially when you've made exactly TWO games all Spring! Admittedly, it is a gangster move since no one knows you, but now I do so get your narrow ass to the fields (work is overrated). They currently hold the tie breaker over HMC but have played one less game. They control their own destiny and can win a top three seed by winning both games this weekend.
6) Venom^ - beat the team (Blue Bulls) that beat the team (Those Guys) that beat the team (HMC). Means they've earned a top ten seed and sit in the driver's seat to win their division in their very first season. They're athletic, but they're young. Playoffs are where legacies are made so be ready. Great season nonetheless.
7) Miami - John is not afraid to throw at OH-SEE. However, he appeared to be afraid to throw touchdowns as the Miami offense was missing in action! To their defense that Lions defense is really tough. Miami has a ton a talent, but they too are young. They need to win to make the playoffs which they can do. They need to focus to make a long run which remains to be seen.
8) HMC Elite^ - not sure what the Average Joe's were talking about. My dick isn't big enough to smack anyone without being really close. Ask my wife!
9) Commission - Did what they were supposed to do against the Old Dogs. These guys are funny as they were asking for a time change on Saturday night! Dafuq? Control their own destiny, but they're so inconsistent it may not matter.
10) Suicide Squad - last week they were 12th in their conference. They managed to climb four spots with a huge win over the Raptors without the services of their starting quarterback. If they manage to sneak in they will be the team no one wants to play in the first round. A lot of scenarios to play out. They win and manage to keep the score low and they will secure a spot in the dance. Long way away from the inevitability of failure two weeks ago.
11) Average Joe's^ - Were down two scores with less than two minutes left in the first half. A short field and a broken play and the Joe's found themselves down 28-0 at halftime. It is like Daniel Sasso once told me, "You're not as good as your wins or as bad as your losses!". They've clinched and now can play for the four seed.
12) Warriors - should call them twinkies. If this world ever has a nuclear war the only thing left would be roaches and twinkies. There is no killing off the Warriors. Every time you leave them for dead Bruce goes on the recruiting trail and trots Reese or Ty Hill. Rumor had it Ryan Williams was at the field this week. Maybe he could kill the Warriors chances at making the A's. The last time he was on that team they qualified for the B's! He was good enough for the Warriors to beat KPC and keep them in contention!
13) Blue Bulls^ - I suppose a let down was in order after their come from behind win over Those Guys a week ago. Just didn't envision the 47-13 beatdown they took from Venom. Nonetheless the Blue Bulls have had a nice season and could theoretically win the division with a win and two losses by Elite this weekend. Do I think it will happen? Who cares what I think!
14) KPC - even the presence of Ryan Williams was not enough to help KPC win this week. This team is hanging on by a thread right now. Losing Moose to a season ending injury placed a greater burden on a less than ball secure offense. Need to come up with a win to secure a spot in the A's.
15) Ducks - managed to go 1-1 this weekend when Alter Ego no called no showed. The loss was a shutout to Elite, which was not entirely unexpected. They're currently missing their most dynamic player to a leg injury which really hurts their chances of making the big dance. Speaking of dancing Bob can cut a rug. He even teaches Salsa. Quite the experience.
16) Exquisite - another team that benefited by a forfeit win against Alter Ego. Could they be the third new team to qualify for the A's? We'll do the math at the end of the season to figure it out!
^denotes clinched playoff berth